(Moms Who Lead is now triwoven. Same three of us, same mission. New name.)

Each issue holds two things: a story and an idea. Drawn from our own lives, our work, and what we're noticing in the world. Always anonymized. Today from Jill Wicklund.

One executive I worked with came to me in the middle of a hard decision. A team leader reporting to her repeatedly shared confidential leadership-team information with her own team, undermining the effectiveness of the leadership team. My client was preparing to fire her for "poor performance." Which seemed reasonable. But we both noticed that the intensity of her reaction didn't match the facts. She wasn't just upset, she was consumed. She was thinking about this person on walks with her child in the stroller. While listening to music. Venting to her husband, again, over dinner. This person was living rent free in her head.

In one session I asked her, "What belief is underpinning your emotion?" She went quiet. "My deepest commitment is to the company and the leadership team holding it up. My belief is that that is paramount."

In contrast, the team leader had a belief: her people deserved to know what was coming, so she protected them and put them first. She shared confidential information because she was deeply committed to taking care of her own team.

They both were holding very real values and commitments. And the intense clash the executive was experiencing was the tension between her value and the team leader's.

Over time, she began to see both things at once. That the team leader's behavior was not a fit for the team she was building AND that she had also turned her own value, loyalty to the company, into universal correctness. Which meant anyone else holding a different version of correct looked incredibly wrong.

The awareness didn't change the decision. But her communication got sharper, her reasoning came into focus, and she let the person go with clarity instead of murkiness (because unexamined emotion is muddy). She was also able to set clear expectations for her remaining leaders.

So, I will end with this question: where in your life are you feeling some intense emotion, and what is the belief underneath?

Glad you are here,

Jill

(with Dr. Meghan & Dr. Chloe)

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